Dreading the darker evenings? Making room for what you need this autumn
Maybe you’ve started noticing the light fading before you’ve finished work. The evening walk you enjoyed in summer feels less inviting, and you find yourself wanting to stay indoors.
You might enjoy parts of autumn whilst also feeling reluctant about the months ahead. There can be comfort in quieter evenings, alongside a sense of missing freedom and connection that longer days offered.
With the clocks going back on 25th October, this might be a useful moment to consider how the changing season feels for you, and whether your routines still make room for what you need.
What feels different for you?
It can be tempting to dismiss your feelings because the seasons change every year. You might tell yourself that you should be used to it or that everyone else seems to be enjoying autumn.
But familiarity doesn’t necessarily make something easy.
Perhaps you miss seeing people spontaneously after work. You might feel that your weekdays have become a cycle of working, travelling home and preparing to do it again. Or the quieter evenings may leave more room for thoughts you haven’t had much time to notice.
Rather than expecting yourself to feel a certain way, you could begin by asking yourself:
“What am I finding difficult about this change?”
Your answer might be about daylight, routine, company or something else entirely. Understanding what feels different can help you consider what you would like more space for.
When staying in doesn’t feel restful
A quiet evening can be welcome. But you may sometimes reach the end of one feeling neither rested nor connected.
Maybe you’ve spent hours scrolling, comparing your evening with other people’s plans. Or you’ve kept yourself busy with household jobs because sitting down brings a feeling that you should be doing more.
There’s no need to judge yourself for how you’ve spent your time. It may simply help to notice what you were hoping the evening would offer.
Were you looking for rest? Distraction? Company? A sense of having some time that belonged to you?
Those needs might call for different things. An evening alone may feel right one day, while another evening you might welcome a conversation or something to look forward to.
A small exercise: what do I miss, and what could I make room for?
If you’d like to reflect, take a few minutes with these three prompts.
What do I miss about the lighter evenings?
Try to be specific. Maybe it was being outdoors, seeing a friend, leaving the house without much planning or feeling that there was still a day to enjoy after work.
What did that give me?
An evening walk might have offered space between work and home. Meeting a friend might have helped you feel connected. Being outside might have given you a break from screens and responsibilities.
What is one manageable way to make room for that now?
You might arrange an earlier catch-up, step outside during a break when possible or set aside a little time after work before beginning household tasks.
Choose something that fits your circumstances. If you have limited time, energy or flexibility, the change can be small. You don’t need to build a whole new routine.
You can adjust your expectations too
Sometimes we look for ways to fit more into the day without questioning how much we are already asking of ourselves.
You may be balancing work, study, responsibilities and relationships. Adding an ideal autumn routine to that list could feel like another demand.
It may be more useful to ask yourself:
“What could I simplify?”
Perhaps one evening can stay free of plans. A task can be shared. You might choose a shorter visit or an easier meal when your capacity is limited.
Making room for yourself can include doing less.
When you would like some support
The changing season may also bring your attention to something that has been difficult for a while such as loneliness, pressure, a relationship concern or a feeling that your own needs keep coming last.
You don’t have to wait until you fully understand those feelings before talking about them.
At Held With Care, I offer person-centred counselling for adults in Stockport and online. We can explore what feels difficult, what matters to you and what you would like more space for, at your pace.
If you’re considering counselling, you’re welcome to enquire about a free 15-minute introductory call.
You can begin with how things feel now, even if you’re still finding the words.